Why I knit.

I LOVE watching the Sea! All that focused turmoil!

I began to knit often because it calms my anxiety, which needs nothing to activate. It can just sit there, in a state of constant percolation, but when I’m knitting and following a pattern I can zone out the sound of the constant anxiety and just enjoy what I’m doing. There are very few other things that allow me to do that.

I can keep my hands busy instead of fidgeting about or getting bored. I can remember as a child, when being chided about reading at the table when having a meal that I’d try and explain that my brain was bored. My mind would wonder about like a balloon, with nothing to fix on while my hands got on with the mundane business of eating. My hands being occupied wasn’t enough. I needed something to engage my brain as well. Knitting answers both of those needs. While the motion is mechanical there are things to think about. What stage am I up to in the pattern? What will the next stage require? How does it look? Do I need to change anything? 

My brain is never quiet. There is a CONSTANT monologue going on in my head. If I don’t fill it with something to occupy itself with it will fill it with something else...which often isn’t healthy. My anxieties will flood in, my worries for my type 1 diabetes, the fact that I don’t work, that my dear Hubbie has to support us both. I worry about my adult children, especially the youngest who has Aspergers Syndrome and struggles daily with issues due to that. If I don’t fill my mind with something that gives me a little joy, eventually the other thoughts fill it instead until I’m so overwhelmed I just want to disappear.

So...I knit. It’s seems pretty benign but it has given me at least a little hope that I can be productive doing something that is positive to me and can give someone else a little tangible moment of joy for themselves. 

And for that, I am grateful!

Dx

Back and just as anxious!

And here we are again!
Another attempt to make something out of nothing!
I don't have a lot of resources. My anxiety and social awkwardness are such that Craft Markets and such have never worked well for me. Unfortunately, I've developed such a good mask of quirky cheerfulness, people don't realize the agonies of anxiety and fear that churn away just underneath.

I like making things. Lovely things. Comforting things. Things that make people smile.
Unfortunately I really struggle with the kind of self belief one needs to promote myself and my products. I suck at selling!

Goodies on my Etsy Shop
www.etsy.com/shop/danie17

So here I am, again trying to put together a facebook page with my knitted toys and goodies in it. I still have my Etsy shop, which occassionally has many sales and I'm so happy but then long droughts where I think "I am never going to get enough momentum to keep this thing going."

Little Dolls
www.etsy.com/shop/danie17

But despite all that, I keep knitting. Because it makes me happy. I feel deep satisfaction with each beautifully turned out bunny or doll.

A lovely custom order for a lady's mother to hold while she has chemo.
A little friend to be there with her through it!

I don't get that sense of deep contentment with anything else in my life, although I am blessed with a loving family, children who are grown and building their own families and still get to see often. I have a wonderful life!
And a lot of mental health issues due to possible Aspergers. And type 1 Diabetes.

My lovely Mother. Dad died this February.
Mum is the loveliest person I know!
 

My wonderful Hubbie, who puts up with a lot!

So I'll keep plugging on, knitting and doing my best because after all is said and done, what else can you do?
I am thankful. The Lord has blessed me more than I can fully appreciate. And with his help and all those He's placed around me, I'm sure I will do much!

God Bless to All!
Dx

Domino knitting and a little bit of Art!

I finally finished the cushion...front. There's no way I'm doing domino knitting on the back. For this I wanted something simple and mindless. I am happy with the colour combinations of the Domino part though.

 Isn't it pretty? Wonderful kaleidoscope of colours and gradients!

All in all I'm pretty pleased pleased with the front and I decided I'd do a simple back so I can just put a pillow in there without a zip or buttons or anything...and for some reason the picture wont turn the right way so here it is anyway. A nice plain grass green wool in garter stitch and at every 15th ridge I knit using one of the 5 colours I used on the front.  I'm liking it so far.

But while I've been doing this I've been fiddling with my art supplies. I wanted to do a picture showing a sort of analogy for depression. So this is what I came up with.

Then I added a wash of ink, really black at the bottom of the well and getting lighter as it reached the top. And remembered that I'm really not very good at adding paint.

It still seemed a bit blank so I added colour with some pencils.

All in all I quite liked the effect...except for the paint effect. What I really wanted is some kind of paper with an ombre effect that would go from midnight blue to light sky blue. But apparently such a thing does not exist. Because I thought perhaps I could cut out the section I don't like and place the picture over another sheet of paper with the effect I want. I've done it before and it works quite well, especially once framed.  So I painted the effect I wanted using some art paints I had lying around.

And then I got to the business of cutting out the middle. I tried using a scalpel at first but I'm no better at that than I am at painting so I used a pair of really slim, pointed scissors. They worked much better! And eventually I managed to get it all cut out.

So now I had to attach the picture onto the painted background. I used some mod podge I also had lying around and a brush and then proceeded to nearly ruin the whole thing by almost making the cut-out picture stick backwards to the background. But after that small panic passed, I was pretty pleased...

I'm really pleased with it all told. I think it shows how I feel anyway when I'm particularly depressed. It's so dark down in the bottom of the well that it's hard to remember that there is still beauty and hope to be had,...that this feeling wont last forever, which is kind of what I was trying to suggest with the falling blossoms into the well. That this too will pass.

I'm waiting for it to dry now to see if I need to tidy up any details and one day I'd love to get it framed in a nice thin frame. I think that would look nice.

But, yeah, that's what I've been up to. So now I'm off to my knitting again. I think I've used up enough of the artist to keep it quiet for the next year, anyway.

What do you think of the picture? 

See you all later
Dx